Better allyship starts here. Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a workplace where everyone can thrive.♦1. Invite a different perspectiveLast weekend, my social media feeds were filled with discussions about the new Converse sneaker ad that evoked Ku Klux Klan and lynching imagery.
The company has since apologized and pulled the ad, explaining, “This should not have happened and we will do better.”
I hope we can all take something from this situation, regardless of whether we work in marketing or another role.
When creating a presentation, writing a company announcement, designing a team event, or selecting an image for social media, let’s invite someone with a different perspective to review our work before we share it.
Instead of asking, “Does this look good?,” ask questions to help identify unintended messages:
- “Is there anything here that could be interpreted differently than I intended?”
- “What associations or messages might I be missing?”
- “Is there anything that could feel exclusionary or hurtful?”
One last thing: choose reviewers with different lived experiences and perspectives, rather than asking only people likely to agree with you. Also, be aware of the “minority tax” that people from underrepresented groups face when asked to serve on committees to improve representation. There is a demand and supply problem: People from underrepresented groups are in high demand to provide their input on diversity initiatives, but they are often in short supply within any given organization. This leads to a small group of individuals being tapped for service more often than their peers.
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2. Disrupt DARVORecently, Merriam-Webster added 1,400 new words to their online dictionary. One stood out for me: DARVO.
Coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, PhD, DARVO describes a pattern people may use when confronted about wrongdoing:
- Deny the behavior.
- Attack the person raising the concern.
- Reverse the roles of victim and offender.
I’ve written about this pattern before, and it’s worth repeating how it can show up at work. For example:
- “They’re making a big deal out of nothing. In fact, if they were more of a team player, I’d be better able to meet my quarterly goals.”
- “They think I’m lying to customers? If they’d just stick to the script, we wouldn’t have these customer trust issues, and I’d be able to hit my quota.”
- “This feels like cancel culture. One small mistake and suddenly I’m the villain.”
Notice what happens in each example. Instead of addressing the original concern, the person shifts blame, attacks someone’s character, or portrays themselves as the victim.
That’s when we can disrupt DARVO.
It could be as simple as saying, “Let’s stay focused on the original concern raised.”
3. Open the door to everyoneHave you heard of “the Billy Graham rule” or “the Mike Pence rule?” It’s a practice where a male leader avoids spending time alone with any woman who isn’t his wife.
Regardless of the motivation, this rule is real, and it has real consequences for women’s careers. When male leaders avoid one-on-one meetings, dinners, or mentoring conversations with women, they limit access to relationships and opportunities that help people advance.
I’ve met some of these men.
A business unit leader once announced during a workshop I was facilitating, “My wife gets jealous when I have a work dinner with a female coworker,” and then asked, “How should I handle that?”
My snarky side wanted to suggest couples’ therapy. Instead, I recommended, “You could always bring along another coworker. Or only meet coworkers of any gender over breakfast.”
No one should be excluded from out-of-the-office activities where colleagues get to know each other, share ideas, and learn from each other. No one should miss out on meetings with influential people because of their gender.
In a recent interview with Business Insider, Sheryl Sandberg mentioned that she still talks to people who won’t take a meeting with a woman alone.
She asked:
“Who’s ever been promoted by someone they’ve never had a meeting with? No one ever. You can have a meeting alone with a woman: Keep the door open.”
I’d take it a step further: Keep the door open for everyone. Meet with colleagues of all genders, using consistent practices for privacy, transparency, and professionalism. Or establish clear meeting guidelines that give everyone equitable access to your time, mentorship, and opportunities.
4. Believe womenIn 2013, I was convinced the problem would soon be solved.
I remember telling my friend Eric over lunch that I’d quit my corporate job to support women in tech. I was starting a coaching business, but I expected to do it for only a few years. After all, everyone in Silicon Valley was talking about the importance of having more women on the teams solving the world’s most pressing problems.
Fast-forward more than a decade, and I wish my optimism had been justified.
WIRED recently surveyed women in tech and found:
- Almost half of the women surveyed (47%) said the tech sector is unchanged or worse for women compared with five years ago.
- More than a third (36%) said they’d experienced gender-based harassment or bias at work.
- Women reported being sexually harassed by male supervisors, earning less than their male peers, being passed over for promotions, and getting talked over in meetings.
I have a feeling these experiences aren’t limited to tech.
So, when a woman coworker tells you she’s been treated unfairly — or worse, harassed — take her concerns seriously.
Listen without immediately questioning her account, minimizing what happened, or explaining away someone else’s behavior.
Then ask, “What kind of support would be most helpful right now?”
5. Community spotlight: Schedule non-critical messages for the next normal working dayAfter reading my September 11, 2026 newsletter, where I recommended being aware of religious and cultural commitments in the fall, Mark Vollmers reached out. He explained that he works with a team in India and has learned that essentially September through when Diwali lands (late October through the middle of November) is filled with festivals. Some are national holidays that might appear on global calendar notices, but people also celebrate other days.
While people at his company support teammates taking time off for such events, Vollmers also shared something he personally does: Schedule non-critical messages for the next normal working day.
“Knowing how connected everyone is and the tendency to be willing to log in and do work even when they’re ‘off’, I have to be extra attentive to schedule non-critical emails and IMs to send on the next normal working day. While it may be easy for someone to quickly ‘check something out’, I don’t want people to deal with normal type stuff when they’re off.”
He added, “I’ve learned that just saying in the email ‘for when you get back’ isn’t nearly as effective as I’d like it to be.”
Thank you. 🙏
If you’ve taken a step towards being a better ally, please reply to this email and tell me about it. And mention if I can quote you by name or credit you anonymously in an upcoming newsletter.
That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,
Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series
100% written by me. I use AI for researching a personal archive of my books and past newsletters, and for light editing.
Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.
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♦♦Invite A Different Perspective, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.